Futile Efforts
Something I’ve noticed about myself is that I often make things harder than they need to be.
Can you relate?
For me, there are a couple patterns that come to mind:
Over-thinking and creating imaginary scenarios in my mind that don’t exist.
This often happens when there’s a task or an obstacle that isn’t actually that urgent, but that I’m worried about. My distorted idea of the thing then expands to fill the space until that thing is done.
As a consequence of this over-thinking, I then overwhelm myself and become more likely to seek escape in something mind-numbing… because I want to replace the uncomfortable and inaccurate thoughts in my head with something else less threatening.
Holding excessive body tension because I’m expecting things to be tough.
This one often goes hand in hand with the first. Because I’ve created an imaginary scenario that is probably worse than the reality, my body now thinks it needs to protect or correct itself, resulting in more tension in my muscles.
Trying to deal with a future scenario in the present creates the tension which brings that problem forward into the present. But because the actual scenario doesn’t exist yet, I have no way to properly solve it.
Those are the main ones. I think a lot of us tussle with these but at different degrees.
We may wonder… “does everyone else have these patterns too?”, but I think a more productive question to ask is “how often/to what degree are these patterns running the show, for me?”
If you’re struggling with this stuff, DO NOT lose heart. Keep working with it, gently, flexibly, but consistently.
I used to think that meditation / stillness made things worse, but actually it just brought my neurotic tendencies to the surface, where I could see them.
This is a totally necessary part of the process and not something to be afraid of or to blame yourself for — you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s part of the bitter medicine that heals us.
Just rinse, relax and repeat… smelling the flowers along the way. It’s not about being perfect — just walking the path while appreciating what you are. Ironically, it’s easier to appreciate what you are when you allow yourself to change.
Gently, steadily, consistently, softly. Allow yourself to move steadily as you progress, so you can maintain your energetic fullness.
Spill yourself like a drip onto stone and you will eventually carve through it. But leave the excess behind. Don’t exhaust your reserves because you’re impatient. You’ll end up hating the path.
Be moveable, kind, adaptable to yourself, but ruthless in your devotion to what feels most true.